Narcissistic Abuse Checklist

The narcissistic abuse checklist helps identify common patterns of emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, trauma bonding, and coercive control. It is designed to help clarify confusing relationship patterns.

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Narcissistic Abuse Checklist: Are These Warning Signs Present?

You:

Maybe feeling alone, exhausted and confused in this difficult relationship,
Tolerate strange and abusive behaviour,
“Walk on eggshells” around this person, always feel “on alert”,
Might feel “addicted” to this person and you keep going back, hoping it will “be better this time?”
Have dissonant thoughts, always comparing and contrasting – “I love him/I hate him”, “She’s good/She’s bad”, “I trust/I don’t trust”
And, even though you try to explain it to friends and family, they simply do not understand.

Learn more about Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy and meet Martha C. Digby, Registered Psychotherapist & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist. CLICK HERE →

Classic behaviours of the Pathological Narcissist:

Have a grandiose sense of their own self importance
Need constant attention and admiration
Lack empathy
Rarely take responsibility for their mistakes and blame others, “never the bad one”
Don’t respect authority or laws

Are entitled and feel superior to others, need to “one up” everyone
Make friends too easily and/or they do not have any long term friends
Begin relationships with “a bang” of intense romance then strange behaviours set in
Are charming to the outside world and erratic and abusive behind closed doors
Play the victim

Alternate positive and negative treatment, resulting in intermittent reinforcement
Easily share their expectations of you but never ask your expectations of them
Constantly “raise the bar” in expectation of you and what they expect from you
Do not fight fair – they stop speaking to you or they leave
Perceive criticism often and subsequently RAGE or go SILENT

Need to “win at all cost”
Have a history of failed relationships due to lying or cheating
Lie about small things, big things, all things
Gaslight and lie pathologically (pervasive and enduring)
Use double-talk, circular conversations, and language to instil fear, obligation and guilt

Often project their own feelings, realities onto you
Make slanderous, preposterous statements about you, directly to you
Make impulsive life altering decisions without any regard to how it affects them or family
Isolate you from others who might see the relationship as abusive
Often display an obvious and distinguishable smirk on their face

Mirror your emotions – they can look concerned but do not actually feel it
When you look into their eyes, you cannot actually “feel” them
Exhibit easily identifiable, repetitive life patterns
Have a deluded sense of reality
Act like the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde character

AND…

you feel like you are in a relationship that constantly brings feelings of uncertainty, confusion … and leaves you feeling unsafe (emotionally, mentally and maybe even physically).

If any of this seems true, you have likely been subject to a Cluster B personality disorder, (someone with a personality impairment also known as a character disorder) as determined by the DSM-4 and DSM-5 (Diagnostic Statistical Manual, American Psychiatric Association) and, your brain has likely been injured by the dual dysregulation (Complex PTSD and Cognitive Dissonance) perpetuated by the Cluster B’s behaviours.

This narcissistic abuse checklist is designed to help identify emotionally abusive relationship patterns.

The Narcissistic Personality Disordered person has classic, identifiable patterns of behaviour, driven by their 4 core personality impairments of empathy, intimacy, self direction and self identity:

Abuse Cycle – Idealization (Love bombing) – Devalue (Subtle, insidious putdowns/blame) – Discard (Disappearing/emotional abuse.)
Triangulation – bringing in the “ex” or a third party to cause confusion/comparison.

Gaslighting – when you know you’ve read it “right”, but they try to convince you, you’ve read it “wrong.”
Cognitive Dissonance – torn between believing what you want to believe and what you know is the truth.

Trauma Bonding – attachment dilemma that occurs from narcissistic abuse – betrayal, neglect, lies, silent treatments.
Flying Monkey – third party who acts on behalf of a narcissist usually for a deliberate abusive purpose.

Stockholm Syndrome – emotional trauma bond of target/victim with the abuser, in order to survive their ordeal of living under threat.
Smear Campaign – intentional, premeditated effort to discredit the reputation of a target/victim of the narcissist/sociopath.

Hoovering – attempt by a Narcissist/Sociopath to “suck” their target/victim back into the relationship, named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner.

At first these behaviours are hard to see, but as you become more aware and trust your inner feelings, you will begin to see these simple, classic, identifiable behaviours more clearly. And yes, this is actually happening.

Narcissistic Abuse

is a real thing, causing Atypical trauma (cognitive dissonance), from the reward and punishing behaviours of the narcissist.

A Narcissistic Abuse checklist of Symptoms and Cognitive Dissonance/PTSD:

Intense emotions and pain in the body.
Panic, terror, dread attacks, anxiety, stress, depression.
Feeling unsafe, jumpy, vulnerable, don’t know what to do next.

Obsessed with seeking answers, 24/7 detective, stalking the abuser (online, in-person.
Brain fog, insomnia, nightmares, waking up in a panic.
Helplessness, hopelessness, powerless (the dark triad is a real thing caused by abuse.)

Feeling heavy shame, confusion (“how did this happen? maybe its my fault? is it really abuse?”)
Wanting so badly to believe it isn’t true.
Feeling a loss of self, no control in life, not “who you really are.”

Friends and family don’t “really get it.”
Irrational loyalty to the abuser due to cognitive dissonance (returning to abuser over and over.)
Addictions get worse (alcohol, drugs, shopping etc.)

If this narcissistic abuse checklist feels familiar to you it’s important to get help.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse can benefit from working with a therapist who understands pathological narcissism and its impact, can validate your experience, and can provide structured, trauma-informed psychotherapy. Where clinically appropriate, Brainspotting may be incorporated to support trauma processing alongside the cognitive and emotional work of recovery

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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy

Get back to yourself!

Address acute symptoms – cognitive dissonance, regulation, self care.
Help with divorce, parallel parenting, legal and direct communication with the narcissist.
Tools and homework for recovery from Narcissistic Abuse.
Brainspotting to regulate your amygdala and parasympathetic system to homeostasis (ie. to feel better)

This narcissistic abuse checklist offers a practical starting point for identifying abuse patterns…

The effects of narcissistic abuse can persist long after the relationship has changed or ended, including confusion, self-doubt, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty trusting your own perceptions. With appropriate therapeutic support, these experiences can be explored and addressed in a structured way.

The Structured Recovery Protocol ™

The Structured Recovery Protocol ™ is a specialized, private-pay, online-only, clinical service for individuals recovering from narcissistic abuse and complex relational trauma.

The practice is intentionally designed for those seeking a focused, confidential, and highly individualized therapeutic experience. Sessions are extended to allow for deeper assessment, focused clinical work, and structured therapeutic processing.

Martha C. Digby, is a Registered Psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO)

Email me directly if you prefer a more private first conversation.

The Structured Recovery Protocol™

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